Instead of engaging in meaningful conversations, sometimes people move to silence – they don’t confront people in positions of authority. Conversely, when people don’t participate in the pool, when they sit back quietly or blow-up, they’re rarely committed to the final decision. “In every instance where bosses are smart, highly paid, confident, and outspoken people tend to hold back their opinions rather than risk angering someone in position of power.” As people participate in the shared pool of information, they are more willing to act on whatever the decision. “People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool- even ideas that at first glace appear controversial, wrong or at odds with their own beliefs.” As the Pool of Shared opinions grow participates are exposed for more accurate and relevant information so they make better decisions. (pg 22) Each person in a conversation enters with their own opinions, beliefs and feelings, and usually they differ from the other person(s). The problem most of us make in our crucial conversations is thinking that we have to choose between telling the truth or losing a friend. “Do you hold in ugly opinions only to have them tumble out as sarcastic remarks or cheap shots?”Ĭhapter 2 “Mastering Crucial Conversations – The Power of Dialogue” Their bosses, peers, and direct reports listen without becoming defensive or angry.” (pg 10) People who routinely hold crucial conversations and hold them well are able to express controversial and even risky opinions in a way that gets heard. “Individuals who are most influential – who can get things done and at the same time build on relationships – are those who master their crucial conversations. Since they catch us by surprise, we’re not prepared to conduct an extraordinarily complex interaction in real time. So, we take the easy way out…we leave a voice message rather than a face-to-face conversation or we change the subject, or we just accept the current status quo.Ĭountless generations of genetic shaping drive humans to handle crucial conversation with flying fists and fleet feet, not intelligent persuasion and gentle attentiveness.” (pg 5)Ĭrucial conversations often come out of nowhere so we are unprepared for them. The authors identify crucial conversations as “a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.” (pg 3) The problem is that we usually back away from having these crucial conversations because we don’t want to make the situation worse. NOTE: Stephen Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, wrote this about Crucial Conversations: “This book goes broader and deeper into the fundamental principles of high-stakes communication…But even more important, it draws our attention to those defining moments that literally shape our lives, shape our relationships, and shape our world.”Ĭhapter 1 “What’s a Crucial Conversation and Who Cares?” Most of the comments included in the following text are taken word for word for the book
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